My thoughts on my happiness, or greater happiness.

It's been a while since I posted anything here and I thought I'd do something with actual substance.

I'd rather be broke, so long as I was living in the place I want. I mean, I'm no longer so attached to anything that I don't think I could leave it behind or take it with. I also don't want to sound like I'm hating life here or that I'm ungrateful, this is the place I was born and raised; however, I think my happiness would be greater in a more metropolis location, and by no means would I have to be attached strictly to one location. And no, I wouldn't choose to be broke, but I wouldn't worry if I was.

I believe if I was in a more metropolis location I would feel less stifled, more free to be me, surrounded by more peers, and able to entertain more of my passions. For this I wouldn't need a lot....

Basically I'm over the materialistic trip, I just want options, many options!

blog arc

A link to each posting having anything to do with Kenya and I:

Memory Reenactment
London New Year
I'm trying to remember something
My 9/11
First Skydive
Good Night, Bad Times
Down, Down down
How it happened for me
Losing Faith
Troubling Post From Way Back When
OK, So I finally finished school

Muscles - The Lake

One of my favorite songs/videos for various reasons(Yes, I know it's old, and I may have mentioned it before):


got knocked unconscious
back dead broken
at the lake

you broke the promise
just be honest
just be honest
just be...

if we're going and seize the day
lets seize the day

all my friends have gone

if its gonna save the night
lets save the night

so i dive right in

if we're going and seize the day
lets seize the day

all my friends have gone

if its gonna save the night
lets save the night

so i dive right in

i could of left you in the water

should we go back there? back in the water?
so you can show me what you've done

should we go back there? back in the water?
so you can show me what you've done

should we go back there? back in the water?
so you can show me what you've done

should we go back there? back in the water?
so you can show me what you've done

NAS Built, still need parts

Ha, so building up an old PC to be a NAS isn't all that hard. Just getting two different brand computers to combine into one was the big difficulty. Now I have an ugly, but functional NAS device, but sadly, between the two PC's neither had a network card so I'm in need of one in order to fully claim I've got a NAS. I used FreeNAS for the software and was able to load that fine, and until I get the network card, that's as far as I've gotten... Progress, but I sure would like ot use new parts for once!

I win

In my frustration with routers and some tinkering I've tried to improve on the workings of the devices and in that endeavor I recently managed to kill my WRT54G-V5.  This is a pretty popular router for modding, so I was convinced that I could recover it.  I soldered on a jumper so I could attach a JTAG and work to recover it.  This was about a month ago and I wasn't having any kind of luck.  The JTAG interface is desperately slow and I wasn't completely sure what I was doing, but I was reading and didn't have much to lose.  I'd attempted multiple flashes and erasing of firmwares, OEM and custom, all to no avail.  I'd let the thing load up the firmware only to find it still staring back at me doing NOTHING. Kept reading/researching.  So after taking some time away from the thing, I today went back to work and was able to recover the device and get it working back to the state I wanted it in in the first place; IE custom firmware.

I win!

Next project: NAS, and maybe I'll finish the homemade digital picture frame, also I've got to try that external Rx.  I've got a list, believe me I've got a list!

My demons

I've actually been trying to be a better friend overall recently and have been helping some of my friends with their demons, so I thought it would be a good idea to put some of mine down. Mostly so I can just explain them away and work through them, but also so I don't forget what some of them are:

Futility: The instant I was diagnosed I was a dead man; There is no point in anything anymore, all I have is this moment; and that's borrowed. This seems like a justification of nihilism. I think I can spin this to my advantage.

Courtship: Who wants to waste time with a person who will "never" be cured, ie remission, what's the point? And why should I even ask it of anyone, that's not fair and I'd just get sympathy anyhow, right? This seems like cowardice and defeatist.

Invulnerability: I feel like I could run through glass windows all day long and it wouldn't bother me, nor would it hurt me.

Artifice: I can never let my health insurance lapse or else I'll never get covered again. (that's another trap in my life) Defeatist
I've been dodging bullets all my life, I'll dodge these!