1st day of Snowboarding

Yesterday I went for a little ski trip up to Mission Ridge. I had gotten my buddy Mark, from work, and my sister to go and we had a nice little trip. We started the day at around 5:30 just leaving to drive the somewhat long way up to Mission Ridge. It was chosen mostly because I hadn't been there before and it is one of Mark's favourite mountains to ski. So, making the long drive up there we ran into a bit of rain mostly, but overall it was a decent drive. The roads were all pretty good and traffic was light. I'll give myself an 'attaboy' there for wanting to leave super early.

We got to the mountain a bit before the chairs actually started running, so basically right on time. Got a nice, close, parking space and began to suit up. This was the first season that I actually have really good snow gear, so I knew I was going to be warm. I had just recently finished purchasing DUB Weathergear outfits, so not only was it new, high quality gear, but it was DUB, which, back when they were still in business, was a company I didn't find disagreeable.

All geared up, we went and grabbed out lift tickets, got bathroom breaks, and got on the chair up the mountain. The first chair was for the lower part of the mountain, a slow two man chair, which is for the green(beginner) runs. Off that chair is just a little ride down to the recently(last year) installed high speed quad, and from there is a quick zip up to the mountain top. Mark indicated this was a vast improvement to the mountain; this was another motivating factor for choosing to ski there as Mark hadn't been to it since the addition of the quad.

The day turned out really we, I got a lot of runs in and thankfully I didn't feel a bit cold or get wet at all. The only time I felt cold was when we started packing things up and I took off my gloves. So it was a nice day on the mountain, with some friends/family and I hope to do it again. Thanks go out to my sister for her enthusiasm(such a ski bum) and Mark for driving! Cheers guys, hope to do it again soon!!!!

An open letter to another failed lover (not pity)

I know I've hurt you. I know you find it hard to believe, but I do care. I know that no amount of explanation from me will be enough, but I did try to make it clear to you. I don't quite understand it in myself, but I just don't seem to be able to admit the degree of intimacy that I do feel until long after it's too late. It's hard to miss how angry you are with me, but you've got to understand that I couldn't resolve my issues and I felt terrible to constantly be holding myself back from you because I didn't want to get hurt. I didn't think it would become the problem it did when I first entered into it with you. I didn't consider our previous experience to be very tangible, as back then I was in such a different state. I honestly believed I was at a point that I could accept and deal with everything in ways that would be good for us. And, we know I 'm no angel and a social retard, but I am still capable of caring and woman, believe me, I do. And no, I didn't plan it and certainly don't have any other agenda. I have been honest with you, just, I suppose, not about my feelings (No, that doesn't do me a lot of good).

Busy, Not Lazy

Also known as "Making an apartment a home."

I officially moved into my own place Friday Dec 1. Thank goodness!!!! I've really been pleased to be out of the roommate situation and I like my new place. I'm in a nice complex, with nice facilities, I got new carpet, and it is still close to work. It seems to be very quiet and kind of conservative, I guess is the best description, and I think I have some good neighbors. I'm not the most social person so haven't gone about introducing myself, but the ones I've come across gong to and fro have all been nice enough to respond when I say "HI." The move itself went pretty smoothly, even though I'm not a very organized packer or anything, I didn't have a ton of things, and it only took probably a total of 6 hours loading, moving, and unloading; And, I was able to do it and still go to work(yay, not so much). This does not include the packing and unpacking, which 1 I'm not so good at, and the second I'm still not finished unpacking.

I don't have a ton of things, but as I've moved into my new place I've realized how little I really did have. I knew I'd have to buy some things for the kitchen, but I never really realized just how much. I only just ordered a toaster, bought a microwave the other day, got a nice dish set for a steal(which, even thought it got a crummy rating online, I figured it'd probably get broken someday eventually anyhow so 'FAK it'....), a nice flatware set, a tiny coffee table, and a few of the other things I'll need in the kitchen. I've still got a ton of things to get, and plenty of unpacking to do, but I'm getting there, and I'm kind of trying to buy things now as I need them (yes, pots and pans will be coming up) but for now I can at least bake a potato, pop microwave popcorn, and make TV dinners!!!! (sad, funny, and true...but I don't have a TV, don't really want one except for Nip/Tuck)

The apartment itself is pretty nice. I purposefully waited for them to have one with new carpet in it so I could take that. Now I have new carpet also!!! And take off your shoes please. The only draw back there is a bit of the new carpet smell, but that's a small price to pay.

The rest of my days have been pretty busy. Juggling work, the move, unpacking(yes still), running around buying all the crap I don't have, but think I need, settling in, oh, and carting my old man around after he just had cataract surgery. not so much a problem there, but the surgery is kind of a real quick little procedure and he lives way out of the way so... it just not a totally productive time for me. its pretty cool for him though. He had some bad, according to him, vision before, and now, mostly done with the surgery he's got 20/35 in one of his eyes, and still not done healing. the other eye was only just cut up, so tomorrow results will be available on that one, but if its anything like the last one it should be good, pretty amazing actually. I've known my old man to wear glasses all his life, and technically 20/35 doesn't require corrective lenses, so that is kind of a radical change; more for him than me, but still incredible.

I also went to the dentist recently. That was ok, considering I haven't been to the dentist in AGES. The last time was just to have tooth pulled, not even a cleaning, so really I haven't had anything done to my teeth in a very long time (bad Adam) and I came out pretty good. It was a new doctor to me, coming at the recommendation of a friend of mine, so I guess we have something else in common now!?!?!

OK, so I still need furniture for the apartment, and though I have champagne tastes, I need to save CA$H, and I don't expect to really keep much of it for the long run, so I'm planning to build much of it. I've been drawing some little plans of things and I should be able to make a few nice things for a decent price, I just need to find the time.

I'll just wrap this up with a little gripe; it's kind of the same problem I had at the last apartment and it's partly to do with my schedule, but FFS why can I not get a decent parking space close to my apartment. I mean in the case of the new place, why the heck do they assign parking permits if they just let people park willy nilly and leave cars parked in the same place for days....and days. I know I haven't been there very long, but is it to much to ask for a parking space in the same vicinity as my apartment. Currently I have to park all the way in the front of the office and walk the "block" or so to my apartment, but this is only because I work nights, if I got off work at a decent hour, I'd have a chance of getting a good spot, but then I'd lose it because I'm hardly home anyhow... I just think they should go ahead and assign parking spaces for each permit. In my previous residence you weren't allowed to leave cars sitting for a long time, and each person was only allowed to park one car nearest their apartment. That seemed a lot more fair to me; having to compete with everyone for a spot rather then people coming home at lunch and parking their dead car as close to their apartment as possible. Well, I do need the walking...

Well, Mr Lazy Pants.

Well now here I am, finally. I know you are all dying to know what I've been up to, so I'll try to be as detailed as possible, but it might have to start backwards.

Today I had an interview for a different contract, same company. I think it went pretty well and I even got a few "good answer"'s from the interviewers. Other than that I was dressed well, wore my newish FCUK suit, that I haven't gotten to wear anywhere until today. I know all the interviewers to some degree and really had a generally nice conversation. I'm glad for the interview, feel good about it, but really don't know if I might actually get it. I'm not betting on it, but am optimistic. Funny thing, I was asked, "what would your manager say about you and your work?" Not missing a beat and disregarding tact altogether I replied, "He doesn't have a clue." I didn't mean any disrespect to my manager, but I honestly have only seen him during scheduling difficulties and the occasional hallway greeting, so yes, it's true, he only knows that I do a timecard and work here...that isn't much.

I gave notice to my roommate that I'm moving out the first week of December. Thank goodness, I swear people stifle me in a general sort of way, but then again, I let'em right? N E Ways, I'm moving to a nice little one bedroom, in a nice area, near some friends and still in the same town. No more pets, no more roommate, no more roommates boyfriend, no more roommates boyfriends kid..... whew!!!

Today, technically Saturday, I picked up a package and got(the technically part) a new blazer/sport jacket/whatever-you-call-it. It's a nice black/navy with brown pinstripes, 100% wool! I guess the whole blazer thing is a bit last year/fall, but I am really taking to it and I think I look pretty good in them and I enjoy the compliments I've been getting, so...thats enough really, but also theres that I feel like it is just "me," as it were. No matter, I've bought several recently and like em a lot.

Sunday I just worked, all day, had to work 12 in order to get my vacation time this holiday, so it's worth it, but what a waste of a decent day. After that I went to see my girlfriend who I hadn't seen all weekend. I was able to talk to her about some stuff and though she didn't really have much to say, it was good for me and I think we made some kind of progress. For what it's worth; it seemed to me that she admitted she's as conflicted as I am... awesome! ha ha. I honestly think that no matter what, if people communicate about things it all comes out better, even if it doesn't go perfectly.

Saturday, I finished "rules of attraction," which is actually one of my favourite movies; NO, not for the baseness of it, but for the critique of the decline of romance. So the book was good, I dont' know if better than the movie, but had a lot more detail and completeness. It's the second book by the author I've read thus far, I intend on reading more of his stuff. Only a few days earlier I ripped through "less than zero," by the same author. I don't recall which book is next, but when I get it I'm sure I'll post about it. I picked up those two books when I went on Wednesday to pick up some pants I had altered, by my favourite tailor (Sook) and little did I know right across the street from her shop was the "Bent Page" bookstore. It's nice that the two are close by, but now I just need them in my neighborhood. Anyhow, I traded some other books I'd read; Gone with the Wind, Rastafari, and Naked Lunch.

Oh, that reminds me, I also finished a strange little book, strange that it was sent to me for some unknown reason, called Pro-Evo. It was interesting, expressed a few of my own beliefs, but not completely agreeable to me. I was more intrigued by the fact I actually got it(I think last month sometime) so I went ahead and googled it, kind of looking for people who got it or the origins of the thing. I was relieved I didn't find any weird cult or anything attached to it, but was surprised I didn't find more people talking about receiving it...

well, I'm gonna wrap this up for now. There's some other crap I've got to tell you, but I'm tiered of typing so ttfn.

The curse of sentimentality.

Today was the usual, I got up, got showered, went to work, met for coffee with my girlfriend, bought a yoga mat, went to the tailor, then went for lunch, which brings me to the sentimentality.

background: I grew up in a small town not far from here(Sad I know, but that's another conversation) This town and the neighboring towns are all kind of small and were even smaller at the time, so small that fast food restaurants were rare, still isn't one in my home town. I remember times as a kid when the family would go on road trips one of my favourite places to eat was A&W restaurants. I don't recall if there was one in the bigger towns near by, but I know when I got to go to one it was typically a long drive. My favourite one, I believe, was at Goldendale and we would stop there on the way to Portland. This one was the best because it was the type that had car service and door trays for your food. All awesome memories for me. So I always remember it being kind of a big deal to get to, and rare also.

Well, I don't know what happened over time, but A&W gradually went away and my favourite one I think is a McDonalds now? And, I don't remember the last time as a kid that I went to one, but I believe it was 2/3 years ago now that I went to the east coast to help a friend move back west(another, story there) and on the looooooooooooong drive back we stopped at one in Arkansas, on the I-40 I believe. That time was a bit not so good simply because the trip was a cannonball run back west here, but I got to go to one again. I'm not sure the marketing behind the whole A&W resurgence, but now we have one in my area which I can go to and have that whole sentimental reminder. Anyhow, all day I was cursed with the sentimental inclination that I needed to go. I did and it was good, not how I was growing up good, but still good. That reminds me of something I heard recently about eating and sex being the most pleasure producing acts a person can engage in, so, am I just subconsciously satisfying two pleasures? My sentimentality and enjoyment of the food? I don't really know about that, but I'm troubled because I want to create new, better memories, and I stress NEW.

I guess, really, those things we remember are the most important or significant, maybe, to us as individuals, right? Good or bad I suppose are just what we take from those memories. Still, I would enjoy creating new better, more significant memories, or better yet, ways for me to never be forgotten. Narcissist much? Everyday!

So much for diligence....(Sorry Jodi)

Ah, yes, well, I guess 3 whole days in a row is the best I can do...hmmmmmm. I think it is just that the things in my life aren't really any of your business, eh? ha ha, j/k. you know I love having you peruse my little blog, heh.

Ok, so then, I'm keeping busy, yay. The weekend was pretty much work, which isn't really work at all. I had a nice lunch Saturday with Jodi(thank you), and although late, it was still relaxing, and I remained dry, ;)
Funny thing, going back to a conversation I had at lunch, my Dad called me the next day to come help him with his computer. This isn't really a problem, kind of like to do it, but after a conversation with my sister tonight I'm starting to wonder about his mental health. Yeah, he's old and still pretty sharp, but helping him with computers; you have to understand, he made his living working on computers, and now he's asking me for help on some rather mundane things aswell. maybe he's being lazy, but sheesh, if 40 years of your life was spent doing a thing, wouldn't you remember it. Oh, you know, it just occurred to me that maybe its just patience. I know for myself sometime I just don't want to spend the time doing something so will abandon it for a while, so maybe that is kind of my dads philosophy combined with the fact that he knows me one of the family will help, and some of us feel more obligated than others(guilty).

What else exciting? I've started looking for a new roommate again... I don't need to move, but kind of would like to, and I could use the change. So, anyone living in the 99352 zip....

I mentioned I've been keeping myself busy, and I have. Work isn't really work, as I said, so I've been doing a lot of 'me' things while at work, particularly working out. Nothing too serious, just some aerobic exercise, weights, and I guess it would be labeled body building work. I've actually resolved to go ahead and bring in a yoga mat and do a few poses...that should keep me limber, eh? Also the big project I've been taking care of at work is my tape conversion project. This is time consuming and I'm particular about the whole process, and work gives me the time to do that, with little interruption and it doesn't get in the way of work. So, getting that mountainous project slowly but surely but faster than when I was doing it at my apartment. I've also been doing a second job for a friend of mines shop, got paid today, so thats extra cash!!!!(Always good) and I kind of like the work, also good but I don't want to do it the rest of my life.

I got a lot of things in this weekend, so that was nice, but I really need to stop ordering so much stuff: I ordered a blazer on Ebay, was relieved and impressed with how well it actually fits and looks, just need to have the sleeves let out a bit which I meant to do today, but the tailor was out... got a new battery for my phone cause the old one was acting silly and not holding a charge well, also the new battery has a larger charge, so should last even longer, how sweet is that!?!?!?! ha ha, how banal really. Also got a carbon fibre brush for my records, yep, nice and clean. Lastly, got a bunch of music in. to many to mention, but I will mention Ed Rush & Optical's latest release, a sort of live Drum & Bass project that I haven't listened all the way through, but sounds decent; also wanna mention the fabulous Logistics album 'Now more than ever' which is also Drum & Bass, for those of you who don't know, and it is very, very good.

now, aren't you happy I waited till now to vomit all this out on the screen, ha ha

Best to ya

3rd

Well now, this marks day three, consecutively, of myself writing about myself....How narcissistic eh? The day itself was decent, for a work day.... I worked at my buddies shop in the morning which was really boring, but better than a sharp stick in the eye. After that I went to the sporting goods store to get an 'ab wheel' cause I've got some free time at my regular job, so I've taken to working out there. I like that I am able to find some time to work out and get something more than just sitting there at my job, but really I'd prefer to actually learn something and make more progress professionally. Though, I do get some of my little organizational projects done while I'm there; plenty of time to study and the latest project has been converting my tapes(yes, tapes) to digital. This is a really time consuming little process, so with all the dead time at work...Well, lets just say another month of this and I should be tape free!!!! yay, something off my check-list. But it doesn't really make room for the 6 million other things I've added to the list, you know what I mean?

Ha, and I thought when I got done with college I'd have all this free time to devote to whatever I liked.... WRONG, it's still a huge juggling act to fit what I need to do and what I want to need to do all in. I've come to accept that there will never be enough time, but it sure is aggravating and it seems like all the things I want to need to do are getting eclipsed by all the 'need to do' things...

Sorry, it's gotten kind of late and I'm not thinking as clearly as I'd like for this so I'll leave it at this: I've been a bit concerned about a friend of mine who messaged me for coffee a few days back and so I called her and got voice mail. I said I would like to go said when a good time was and where, kind of left as a possibility... Well I never did here from her and didn't go, so I'm concerned that maybe she just thought I was going and she went but I wasn't there so now she's thinking I stiffed her.... I know, such a girl of me right? I'll just call her and set that all straight, duh?

2.

Welcome to # 2. This would be my second post...and in a consecutive fashion, oh my.

Yesterday was lax. The primary event of the day was studying and finishing the test for an exam I had yesterday. That was cake. I took the time to also make some new ringtones for my phone. I'm not a huge fan of Lil' Jon or anything, can't even say I'm remotely interested in his music, but the fact remains that when he screams "what," "Yeah," or "OK," it's pretty funny so I thought those would make hilarious ring tones. Took a while to find some good(ie ones without music, that are of high quality) audio clips of him. I found a bunch of the skits dave chapelle did, also funny, and finally found a few of strictly his voice.

Nothing else very productive.

I've been racking my brain about the whole marriage question...probably need to talk to other people more aobut it. But it seems like a lot of people around me are getting married and I'm starting to think critically about what the point of a relationship(as in dating) is and why people engage in them? It seems to me that the reason people get into relationships is to ultimately marry, and if that's the point... why do I even bother? I know I'm oversimplifying here, but if I'm not dating with a marriage goal, why am I dating? NE ways....

Watched Nip/Tuck last night...it was pretty good, but I felt it 'jumped the shark' a bit with the nanny/mother dynamic...I was disturbed.

Best,
X

This is the beginning

Ah, so I've gone back and forth with myself on this and I just can't decide if I've got anything really interesting enough to talk about on here. I'm really just planning on writing my thoughts and things and trying to keep it more as a journal and that sort of thing. Honestly though, I'm not normally very talkative with these sorts of things, but who knows. Maybe I'll open up...

The past couple of days memories of last summer have really been plaguing me. I'm not sure why really, I know it's impossible to forget, as much as I would like to. But also it just isn't productive, I'm not coming to any new revelations and I don't believe there are any to be found. It's just agrivating to keep having these memories that really are pointless to me.

Well, I guess this is a start, but I probably won't end up doing much with this, so don't hold your breath.

The picture you see here is by a recent favourite designer, Vault 49. Check it!

Best to ya,
X